December 4: I believe

As I head toward the end of my semester (T-13 days) I have started to invest in books and workshops and materials that will give me something to do for the month or so I have off (and unpaid) between semesters.

So far I have purchased a workshop series, attended a free workshop, and ordered at least three books that, in addition to other books I have that I still have not read, should get me through to mid-January.

Yesterday, I attended an online party to celebrate the release of one of the books I bought, “Star Powered Brand” by Leslie Tagorda, which promises to help me use the motions of the cosmos to leverage this writing thing to “become the leader I was born to be” and get paid for it.

Early in the workshop, one of Leslie’s co-hosts said something like, when you step into your power, the right collaborations appear to you. Which I took to mean something like, when you are where you are supposed to be and doing what you are supposed to do, people who can help you will be there, too. It may sound a bit esoteric, but all it means is that when you are doing what you are meant to do, things come a little easier.

And to prove it, I won the door prize—a free eclipse reading with the author and host, Leslie Tagorda, just for showing up.

I was where I was supposed to be, and the people who could help me were there, too.

A similar thing happened to me once before back in the spring of 2018. I attended a workshop with a professional coach and won her door prize—a coaching session to help me more effectively tell my story in an interview. This event happened just weeks before interviewing for a tenure-track faculty position I really wanted and was sure I would get, but didn’t. I thought that winning the workshop proved I was where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was sure the universe was conspiring to put everything I needed in my path.

But apparently, it wasn’t.

So what’s different now? Nothing? Everything?

I am about to interview for a dean position I don’t really want and didn’t actually apply for but am pretty sure I can get. And, at the same time, investing more and more energy into building this web space to support actually serving the mission I have posted on my welcome page: to connect people with the language that connects them to themselves.

Forunately, the workshop was recorded so I could review our conversation. It took me about five listens and three additional pages of notes, but I figured out Leslie’s essential question: What do I need to believe about myself and the way the world works for me to be able to do what I need to do with ease?

I need to believe in the flow and not in the fight. I need to believe that I don’t have to struggle. I need to believe in “the pureness of my wholeness.”

I am not sure what that last phrase means, but I believe it.