Sunday was the first day of our family vacation. The only thing I need now is the vacation—I have the family. Untreatable viruses suck the fun out of everything, especially travel plans. Usually, on the first day of family vacation, after we’ve fought all morning loading up the car, we stop by Starbucks on our way out of town, and I let the kids get whatever giant, sugar-laden treat they want. I save up my reward points all year to facilitate this—on vacation, everything is free. But on this first day of family vacation in the corona, we took a walk to the Starbucks down the street. I got a Venti Cookie Crumble Frappuccino, the kids got grilled cheese sandwiches on a 90+ degree day, my husband got nothing, and I forgot to ask for a pup cup. I tried to take a picture commemorating our annual event redux, but just got a blurry shot featuring my half-empty Venti Cookie Crumble Frappuccino. Sometimes just the memory is better.

We were only going to Michigan to sit by the water—to drink, eat, tell stories, and play games. You’d think we could do that here, but vacation doesn’t work that way. Some hotel chain’s marketing team gave us “staycation” but that’s just a way for parents to convince kids that an indoor pool at the Holiday Inn is just as good as the indoor pool at Disneyworld. It’s not. 

But I don’t even have a pool. The inflatable party pool that was going to be the source of all my fun this summer has failed to materialize. I considered replacing water with air and getting a hammock, but I waffle and dilly-dally and all of a sudden.…

we find ourselves on the third day of our vacation in the corona. Not sure what happened to day 2—I didn’t drink it away as planned. In fact, I fasted all day. Not eating makes me angry. Being fat makes me angry. Being stuck at home without vacation or the wit and resources to fashion a vacation makes me angry. Actually, I am so angry that I scheduled doctor’s appointments for my kids for today. I’m going shopping.

And now it’s Wednesday. I achieved yesterday’s vacation itinerary in style: I bought stuff & the kids got jabs. When my daughter was born she cried almost constantly for the first 6 weeks of her life. I have a picture on my wall of her sleeping on my chest at about 4 weeks. I remember that day vividly as she got shots that morning and the doctor told me she would likely sleep a lot afterward. She did. I sat on the couch pretty much all day with a sleeping, not crying, baby and nothing else to worry about or do. Now that’s vacation! 

Fast forward 13 years and the day after inoculation is equally quiet. I shut down the kids’ technology this morning and, after a bit of protest, they found things to do that are not screens or fighting. Henry came down looking for glue so he could spread it on his hand, let it dry, and then peel it off. That, my friends, is a god damn bonafide all-American parenting win. If he is patient enough to actually allow it to dry before peeling it, I’ll buy him a car.

I attempted to buy a kid’s plastic pool yesterday, but the entire city of Chicago and surrounding suburbs have sold out. I’m not the only person with bored kids on a hot July day whose vacation was canceled and doesn’t already have a pool.

But wait!

I just discovered we have a long-neglected inflatable pool in the garage. My anti-inflatable pool husband is at the office & my pro-inflatable pool children are looking for something to do. I’m sure it has a leak somewhere, but if the kids pump it up now, Amazon can deliver a patch kit before all the air runs out or said husband reads this post. Summer is saved!