I hid the rest of the pie so I could finish it all my damn self

Last night, as I was in bed looking at Facebook or Instagram or something worthless that robbed me of sleep and human companionship, I read a post that nearly inspired me to start an online fight:

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

Goodreads, Pinterest, and various “great quotes for Mother’s Day” sites attribute this sentiment to someone called Tenneva Jordan who, as far as I can tell, does not and never did exist. The only evidence of her anywhere is the constant reposting of her asinine quote.

My new blog bestie, Dr. V—a vet who runs a site called pawcurious.com—came to the same conclusion in her piece, “Why I hate that stupid mom pie quote.” She says what I wanted to snap back to all the moms who thought this quote spoke gospel:

I don’t need a reminder that I am expected to sacrifice. I don’t need a reminder that I am considered less worthy.

And I don’t need a reminder that I am not allowed to feed myself.

Before they even become mothers, women are told they are not allowed to eat or nourish themselves. Watch almost any movie or TV show—the women rarely take a bite of their food at dinner and if they do they never clear their plates.

Back in September of 2021, Lizzo posted a TikTok video demonstrating the best way to eat a burrito, which had absolutely fuck-all to do with how to eat a burrito and everything to do with demonstrating that a woman, a fat woman, a fat Black woman, is allowed to eat. Not nibble, not push salad around her plate, but fucking take a massive bite out of the middle of a burrito covered in ranch dressing and hot sauce and go on about how much she enjoys it.

The belief that a woman is selfish for feeding herself leads to the bias that a mother’s greatest value is in her self-sacrifice (the upcoming abortion rights decision from the Supreme Court further emphasizes that).

For a woman to value her life and body as her own and not hold it as something to be forced into giving up makes her selfish and wanton, but for a mother to be stupid enough to not know how four pieces of pie could feed five people is admirable?

This morning my family took me to breakfast for Mother’s Day. On special breakfast outings, we usually order breakfast dessert—some sweet entree for the table to share. Rather than demurely allowing my husband to order the shared breakfast, I ordered first, and I ordered both dishes—a quiche for myself and banana bread French toast for us all to share.

And, without asking if anyone else wanted it, I took the last bite.