It was really not my intention to write about this but since it so entirely dominated my week, I don't know how to get out of it. But to be fair, I didn't really try. I was hoping that something else would magically present itself to me and I could write about that, but, well, it didn't. So I have to go with the obvious.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday in a Simon Sinek workshop discovering my Why. For anyone who doesn't know of his concept of the Golden Circle and "people don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it," please stop reading for 18 minutes and go watch his Ted talk or take a few days and read his book (you really only need the talk).

Now that you've done that, the rest of this will make more sense.

Full disclosure: I am a bit of a self-discovery junkie. I know my Ancient Greek temperament based on bodily humors, my Myers-Briggs, my IQ, my shape psychology, my natal chart. I've love languaged and strengths found. I've been to therapy, received professional coaching, looked in the mirror, and compared notes with my siblings (they don't compare). I was, just today, invited to an enneagram workshop--hell, yeah, I'm going! I'm a Gemini, Ms. Peacock in Clue, the shoe in Monopoly, and my favorite color is yellow. I'm sure that all means something. Since Paula's Personality Pie is sitting on the counter, we may as well cut another slice. Let's find Why.

To respectfully oversimplify, here's how it works:

1. Make a list of high and low points in your life--the stories that define who you are. You don't need to write out the stories--you will talk them out later--just identify them. For example, starting a company, winning the high school state championship, backpacking in Europe, your parents getting divorced, etc. 
2. Spend about a half-hour talking through three stories that really mean something to you with two of your friends. Ask them to actively listen to your stories and take notes about patterns, repeated words, emotions you express, etc., etc.
3. Discuss the notes and start looking for themes. Write down recurring patterns, words, ideas--especially when then occur in all of the stories.
4. Start drafting your Why statement. Distill the themes down to one sentence that "carbonizes" (their word) what you contribute and the impact of that contribution.  
   To__________________(contribution) so that ______________________(impact).
5. Mull this sentence over until it makes sense (good luck).

That and five glasses of sangria ended day 1.

Fuller disclosure: I went into the second day of this workshop disliking my Why. Not hating it exactly, but very angry at it--I couldn't look at it. I was embarrassed. The other Whys had words like stages, platforms, leadership, and revolution, I had random letters on a page. Their Whys had theme music, press kits, and business plans. My Why would blow away with a sneeze or cry under a hard stare. I expected hardscrabble, weighty and dense--challenging syntax, loaded words, drop-the-mic discovery.  I got birthday cake.

To capture moments of joy so that we can recognize joy in every moment.

As I cried (yes, really cried) about the why I wanted but didn't get, I spoke to one of the workshop facilitators, Jen. She walked me through my patterns and themes and asked me questions about cliche and expression, finding comfort without being boring. The everyday every day. Your grace is too costly to wear everyday. Beatrice, I know why you are here.

To capture moments of joy so that we can recognize joy in every moment.

I don't have spot lights, I have string lights--closed parenthesis of joy. That's the image I keep coming back to--a swag of light just bright enough to push away a handful of dark. Vignettes of joy sustaining us from one to the next. Shining moments just present enough to follow.

My Why is to capture joy so we know what joy looks like. So we can find it again. Not the joys in sunshine and laughter, we know how to hold those. I capture the joys in heartbreak and burden and empty vistas. I am not an optimist, and I'm more expressive than to think of silver linings. I am tenacious, and I will find joy because I have to. How do I do that? Well, hold that flicker until next week. I should know by then.