I Can Eat My Cake & Have it Too.
“But I can’t dance at two weddings with one tuchis.”
I said I would save you a piece, but I lied. I threw that birthday cake away--just kidding, I would never throw away cake. I ate it.
Try as I might, I could not come to terms with my white-frosting-and-flowers-birthday-cake-of-a-Why, so I reconsidered, revised, researched, and realized that I needed to start over. One of the mistakes people often make in discovering their Why is not clearly distinguishing between what is a Why versus a How or a What.
Why=your contribution to the world and its impact.
How=the actions you take to create that contribution.
What=the vehicle through which you have an impact.
So, to give an example by paraphrasing Sinek's own words, MLK's Why was to bring man's laws into line with God's laws for humanity. MLK did this through the actions of protest, ministry, writing, and oratory. His vehicle was the Civil Right Movement. He was able to rally people to his cause because, as Sinek puts it, MLK had a dream, not a plan.
I would like to have a dream. But since I am not so bold as to compare myself to MLK, and I don't want to get shot, I'm going to stick with the plan. And the plan is to figure out this Why. I went back to the stories I'd shared at the workshop and thought again about why I had chosen those stories and what tied them together.
Getting my MFA at Iowa. Me. :)
England, Holland, Austria. Me. Me. Me. :) :) :)
Greece. Not me. :(
Yoga, coffee dates, tying a stranger's shoes. Me. :)
Not working right now and writing a lot. Me. :)
Me. These are all things that I had done for me because I wanted to. Except for one.
I spent a year living in Greece but it wasn't my idea, and I hadn't really been invited. When I tell people about living in Greece for a year they always respond with some version of, "that sounds amazing." And I always say, "yeah, it was," but it wasn't. But what kind of ungrateful jerk goes around saying, "yeah, I spent a year getting paid to hang out on a Greek island and it sucked?" Not me. As I was going through these stories at the Why workshop, I did see the me-ness that connected them, and I was embarrassed by the self-centered, hedonistic, hooray-for-me tone of it all. So I decided to focus on the joy these experiences gave me rather than on Why they gave me that feeling. But when I look now at the smiley faced experiences above, I realize they gave me joy because they let me be me. So I mulled.
To capture moments of joy so that we can recognize joy in every moment.
While I like the "string lights" imagery of this, the frosting is too sweet.To capture moments of clearness so that we see each moment and recognize each moment's place in our lives.
Yes, this is a rephrasing with of what came before with more fiber and fewer empty calories. I feel better about it--there is density and it still fits my Hows (which I will get to eventually); a clearness, not clarity (look it up). I'm good with this.
OK. So I asked myself, what does this Why look like in the world? What is the vehicle for it? I immediately responded to myself by writing, "To help people share who they are and what they bring so that others can find and connect with them." And then I wrote this in my notebook:
Shit.
Days and days of "hardscrabble," to quote myself, struggling with an insight and language that I had become attached to (#1 writing mistake) undone in a second of turning something a few degrees. My Why (after a little spit and polish)?
To help people capture clearness in who they are & what they bring so that we can find & connect with one & other.
I did change "share" in the inspiration draft to "capture" as a nod to the Cake Why, and, of course, in recognition of this blog, and held on to "clearness" because I am not ready to let that go. Then I changed my ands to ampersands because they look cool.
My daughter, when she was a toddler, would often get frustrated by the limitations of being a toddler. When she was about three, she delivered a line worthy of embroidery or an Urban Outfitters tee: "I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it." Nice and simple, so why can't you people get it? There are a lot of ways I want to answer that question. For the sake of this piece, I will say that we can't get it because we've spent a lot of time between three and now not doing what we want to do so, when we do actually do something that clicks with who we are, we feel--don't tell anyone I said this--joyful. It's as embarrassing as birthday cake.
Last week's facilitators said you have only one Why and, regardless of how you come to that Why or who helps you find it, it will always be the same. Even if the words shift due to the context in which you use it, the Why is always the Why. The Why is kind of secret--perhaps a little like a mythological "true name;" it's what I remind myself of when I need direction, but not necessarily something I share with the world (just you).
This is my Why:
To help people capture clearness in who they are & what they bring so that we can find & connect with one & other.
This is what it looks like on my CV:
I encourage others to learn & grow & thrive.
And when I am in my Special Ops metaphor:
To marshal available resources so that we can execute the directive.
And as the Symphonic Jazz Conductor:
To bring clearness to each instrument of expression so that we can compose a shared narrative.
4 Way of Looking at a Me. There is no explicit joy here. I haven't abandoned my vignettes or swags of light or empty vistas of the last post--those remain clearnesses. Beatrice still controls the budget. Let me have this and a box of string lights so I can get to work on that How and What.
